Dear Dad,
I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you were ill. I was a stupid selfish teenager and didn’t handle it well.
I never got to thank you for all you did for our family to give us a good life and for that, I apologize.
I apologize that we didn’t get to know each other better and that a lot of the time I blamed you for the hot mess of our dysfunctional family. I deeply apologize and hope to make it up to you one day.
I feel like you are always with me.
Love,
Your Daughter
Dear Kera,
I’m sorry that I tried to make myself feel better about being an outcast by making fun of you (over being an outcast.)
It’s not just these actions but the added pain of putting you down with hateful words. I knew what I was doing and I didn’t care.
We were the same, expect I didn’t but I didn’t want to be and I knew it. You, from what I could tell, were less touched by all of it.
I am sorry for what I thought, for what I wrote, and for what I assumed was true for your experience.
Amanda
This video is the jam.
Debris hurling,
shrapnel striking,
as my very being exploded.
The damage was
unintentional,
unwitting,
regrettable.
You withdrew.
Looking back,
it is now
understandable,
and understood.
Sincerely,
I am sorry
you felt assaulted
when my life spun
out of control.
To My Dear Big Brother,
I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough for you. I’m sorry that my choices and taste in clothes made you uncomfortable because I didn’t follow the same gender norms all of your girl friends did. I’m sorry I was depressed all the time and couldn’t pull out of it. I’m sorry I liked riding bikes with you instead of playing with dolls. You were so cool and comfortable; I just wanted to be like you. I wanted what you had, which of course, meant I would never achieve it.
To you, it was simple, if I changed my clothes, more people will like me; I’d have friends and be less lonely. You didn’t know that it doesn’t work like that. You had no idea what you were doing to me. Backhandedly, I think you even thought you were helping.
But that wasn’t me. I couldn’t pretend to be something I wasn’t and that made the loneliness worse. I couldn’t escape the discomfort. At school, I was an outcast, at home, a disappointment.
I’ve always alternated between arrogance and feeling worthless and never being able to make you proud added to that pile. Between rejecting your acceptance and needing it, I left myself totally conflicted. I’m sorry I gave you so much power over me. I’m sorry I trusted that you knew what was right for me and doubted myself for so many years. I’m sorry I was so much for you to deal with…And, I’m sorry I embarrassed you. You really were my best friend and arch nemesis and I could never win with you.
We had glimpses of pulling out of the rivalry and I genuinely believe if we had a little more time, we would have become the friends that were reflected by how close we really were.
I’m sorry you died before we got the chance to work through it. I’m sorry you won’t get to see how I’ve turned out. You didn’t see me get my drivers license or graduate high school and college. You didn’t get to see me thrive in the grimy town I glamorized while growing up with you in that shithole. You won’t meet my kids or joke with the love of my life. You didn’t get to see the world and you’ll never know the joy of getting stamps in your passport. I’m sorry you’ll never see fireworks around the Eiffel Tower or know what it’s like to sleep on a rooftop terrace in Africa in the middle of summer. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see how fun being an adult could be.
It’s been ten years and I’m now seven years older than you were and I’m sorry you missed out on so much.
A Lonely Little Sister
We think this is amazing:
Exodus International, one of the nation’s most prominent coalitions of groups promoting harmful “ex-gay” therapy, announced Wednesday that it was disbanding and apologized to the LGBT community for the massive harm it has caused to many.
Alan Chambers, the group’s president, issued a written apology, acknowledging that his organization hurt many.
In his apology, Chambers wrote:
“Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite—or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine.”
The board of Exodus International unanimously voted to shut down and announced that it will begin a new organization dedicated encouraging churches to “become safe, welcoming, and mutually transforming communities.”
In an address at the group’s final annual conference, at Concordia University Irvine in California, Chambers noted that his admission last year that people do not actually change their sexual orientation engulfed his organization in scandal. “I’m convinced,” he told attendees, “that the scandal is of God’s making.”
He encouraged the attendees to work to change their churches to be more like a loving, accepting “father church” than scolding, judgmental “older brother church.”
“What that means is we’re not gonna control people anymore,” he told them. “We’re not gonna tell them how they should live. We’re not gonna be responsible for what they’re doing. It’s not our job. You are not the Holy Spirit. I am not the Holy Spirit. The Church is not the Holy Spirit.”
Watch the video here (Chambers begins at about the 20 minute mark): CLICK HERE
To all my patients past, present, and future but especially the ones with altered mental status. I am sorry. I am sorry for losing my patience and showing my frustration. When your care should be all about you, at times I’ve made it about me, displacing my frustration and exasperation with your medical team onto you. I have been abrupt, a little abrasive, and sometimes a little rough. I need to be better than that and you deserve better especially since you are not in control of your disease process and in most instances completely unaware of it. Please accept my apology. I am truly sorry. I will do better.