A Letter From The Love You Haven’t Met Yet

Love-LettersDear Future Love of My Life:

I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four leaf clovers, I’m close. I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you across the room at a party. I swiped you right on Tinder. But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.

It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for meh relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.

The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:

1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.

2. I’m with the wrong person right now.

3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.

4. Since my life isn’t together, I think you’ll reject me.

5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.

6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.

7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.

8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.

9. I’m too focused on my own needs.

10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.

Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself—I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.

Be patient with me, darling heart. Know that I’m working my way toward you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.

I know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined. But I’m here. This is me talking to you. And I’m not going anywhere.

Don’t give up on me.


In perpetuity,

The Love You Haven’t Met Yet

View the original: here.

Woman Apologizes for Forgiving the Unforgivable.

over and overDear Beloved,

I apologize for wanting you to love me so much that I did us both a disservice by forgiving the unforgivable… over and over and over. Too many times.

It never worked.

I shouldn’t have tried twice.

To a Driver on the 290 Feeder

290To the driver who beeped at me for going out of turn at the 4way stop, 34th and 290 Feeder, 4:15 PM Friday 3/21: I was wrong; you were right. Sorry.

Apology to Drunk Bartender

pint of beer  Dear Jeff,

I’m sorry I was such a total bitch to you at work tonight but maybe you could be less drunk while you’re at work.

I’m not sure where you got the idea that you can bartend wasted just as well (if not better) than you can sober but I’d like to posit that you can’t. No. Seriously. You can’t. I mean, you came in and broke a whole bunch of glasses today. First thing. And then tomorrow, you’re going to wonder why there are so many broken glasses. You broke them. That’s why. No, it wasn’t Taylor, she’s in France. You broke them. You.

You’re not as charming when as you think you are when you’re drunk, either. Though I suppose, in fairness to you, you might actually be saying sweet things–hell, you might be speaking in poetry, I don’t know. I can’t understand a word you’re saying. But seriously, it wouldn’t be so bad if you could talk to me from a distance of greater than 6 inches from my face. That’s just too close. I’d rather not understand you and have you stand further away than understand you and have you lean in too far.

And why did you stop buying mints for the bar? You should do that again. It was a good idea.

Now, I’m not saying that you can’t have anything to drink while you’re at work (though, seriously, you shouldn’t be drinking at all until you get your life sorted out) but maybe less. Maybe 4 or 5 fewer beers than you currently drink. Let’s start there and see how it goes because I really don’t want to be Ice Queen Bitch to you at work but it’s just too hard to watch you stumble around the bar all night getting drunker and drunker.


PS You really are a good musician. I’m sorry that you lack the self-confidence to play sober. Someone must have messed you up somewhere along the way but that’s not an excuse to dismiss your talent for the false sense of security that comes from alcoholism. Please get help.